Saturday, December 6th, 2003 • 2 Comments on When Good Trees Go Bad
I decorated three Christmas trees in three days this week. One of them—mine—fell over. I do not think it was a result of my decorating. It is a big, broad, fat tree. A plus-sized tree. A tree that should shop at the Men’s Big and Tall Shop (or Lane Bryant, if it’s a girl, which I don’t think it is). A tree so mighty, my twenty-pound cast iron stand could not keep it standing. It fell with a crash and a jingle of bells at 2:30 in the morning the day after I put it up. Why do things like that never happen during the day? I was awake, I was annoyed. The tree is standing again, but I think it is beginning to list to one side and I’m not hopeful of it remaining upright. It is a big, broad, fat, drunken tree. About thirty ornaments fell off, which I will rehang just as soon as a) I have time and b) I’m convinced the tree isn’t going to toss back a bottle of tequila and take another header. Big, broad, fat, drunken, bad
tree and it is mine, so I love it anyway.
The other two trees, library trees, are still standing because there is no tequila in the library.