Thursday, August 12th, 2004 • 2 Comments on Have A Little Faith In Me
I was not-so-gently reminded the other day that I am not entirely happy with my life. It’s no big secret, if you’ve hung around for a month or two you’ve read my rants about my low paying library job, my interest in graduate school and my frustration with my writing. No, I’m not the happiest girl in the world right now and it’s no one’s fault but my own. No sympathy required, thanks.
I suppose it’s easier to encourage other people to pursue their goals and dreams than it is to actually do it for myself. I’m a better cheerleader for other people because I can so easily see the potential in others that is not readily apparent in myself. When I tell someone I believe in them and that I know they can achieve their dream, it’s not just me giving a pep talk—I truly believe in them. If only it were that easy to believe in myself.
That’s not to say I don’t think I have talent—I do. And I also have faith I will achieve my dreams… someday. But there is always doubt, always insecurity and the more time that goes by, the more I wonder if I’m only kidding myself. It’s so easy to believe in others because if they succeed I can celebrate their success and if they fail I can comfort them in their loss. For me, to succeed is to be happy… but to fail is to lose faith in myself.
Sometimes it’s easier to live with the frustration of an unfulfilled dream than it is to accept the failure of an unrealized one.