Thursday, September 2nd, 2004 • 2 Comments on Bounce, Bounce, Crash
I was right, I got about two hours of writing in. Which translates into another pass at a story I wrote over the weekend and five pages of a new story. Wooo. Of course, I have
to finish the new story by tomorrow night to get it in the mail on Friday, but I only need another three or four pages. Piece of cake. I hope.
Writing is an amazing gift and a horrible curse for me. When I’m writing well and the words are flowing fast and furious, I feel blessed. Talented, even. Unfortunately, when I go long stretches without writing (which happens way too often), I can’t remember this feeling. I falter. The words won’t come or, when they do, they’re the wrong words, awkward and halting.
My love affair with writing is a lot like a real relationship—highs and lows and in-betweens, days when I know this is what I’m meant to do and days when I want to give up because it’s just too hard. I love being in love with writing, I just hate the shaky, scared feelings of doubt that creep in when I go too long without it. I don’t know why I keep trying, why I keep writing even when I’m terrified I’ll never be any good. I just know I can’t give up. As scared as I get, thinking about failure and rejection, I’m ten times more scared of giving up on something that sustains me the way writing does. When it’s good, it’s the best feeling ever, and when it’s bad… well, I just need to remember this feeling when it’s bad. Hopefully that’ll get me through the dark days until I can find the right words again.
Now, I need to go to bed before I fall down.