Monday, October 25th, 2004 • No Comments on Muse or Demon?
I have the day off and I’m still in my flannel pajamas. I’m finding it hard to get motivated to get dressed or do anything productive when it’s 56 degrees and overcast. I usually love days like this. Dreary autumn days when I don’t have to do anything and I can curl up and watch a movie or read or call friends. Lately, I haven’t been able to enjoy my days off as much as I should. I’m sitting here with little to do except pay a few bills and go through last week’s mail, but I don’t feel relaxed. I feel… tense.
It could be writing withdrawal. I definitely haven’t been putting in the time I should be lately. It’s funny how that can affect my mood. No matter how many stops and starts I experience with my writing (and there have been many), I always come back to it. The need to write, to create. It is wonderful and awful and exhilirating and frightening and overwhelming and exhausting.
Sometimes I wonder why I would be given this driving need to write if I wasn’t supposed to succeed at it. To fail at the only thing I’ve ever had a sustainable passion for would be a very cruel joke. Success, of course, can be measured in a variety of ways, so I suppose my own success could be debated. But it’s my definition of success that matters, right?