Thursday, November 11th, 2004 • 1 Comment on What I Really, Really Want
I want junk mailers to be required to put their offerings in clear envelopes so I don’t get paper cuts opening their trash.
I want George W. Bush to experience a mid-life crisis, resign as president, move to Crawford, TX and go to work as the short order cook at the Roadside Roadkill Roundup.
I want everyone to tell me exactly what they want for Christmas and exactly where I can find it. There are 44 shopping days until Christmas and I don’t want to be shopping on Christmas eve for that one thing you really, really want that you didn’t mention to me until December 23.
I want Sheri to hurry up and get here. NOW.
I want people to stop telling me to get a flu shot. I am not getting a damn flu shot.
I want my neighbors to understand that there is nothing wrong with me wandering around in my backyard at noon in my pajamas. So stop waving and smirking, already.
I want insensitive doctors to be forced to undergo the same procedures they inflict upon their patients. And I want those procedures performed by monkeys.
I want to be able to get six and a half hours of uninterrupted sleep
night. I think it would make me a lot less grumpy, especially toward people who fall asleep easily and sleep through the night every night.
I want today to be a better day than yesterday. So far, so good.