Ten Things Writers I Hate to Hear…

Thursday, February 24th, 2005 • 7 Comments on Ten Things Writers I Hate to Hear…

…AND MY RESPONSES

Clueless Person #1: I have this great idea.  You should write it and we can split the money!

Me:  I have my own great ideas, but if I ever run out I’ll be sure to give you a call.

Clueless Person #2:  My life would make a great book.  You should write it and we can split the money!

Me:  I’m not a biographer.  I’m also not in the sleep aid business.

Clueless Person #3:  I have this great idea.  I won’t even charge you for it.

Me:  Ideas are like opinions.  Keep yours to yourself.

Clueless Person #4:  How much do you make?

Me:  How much do you weigh?

Clueless Person #5:  I was good at English when I was in high school.  Maybe I should be a writer.

Me: I was good at forging my mother’s signature when I was in high school.  Maybe I should steal her identity.

Clueless Person #6:  Are you a lesbian?

Me:  Why?  Can you hook me up with Angelina Jolie?  (Alternate response: Would you ask Stephen King if he’s a serial killer?)

Clueless Person #7:  Where do your ideas come from?

Me:  The Imagination Fairy delivers a fresh batch each Sunday night in exchange for my soul.

Clueless Person #8:  Would you read my book/short story/poem and tell me if it’s any good?

Me:  Would you taste this month old carton of milk and tell me if it’s any good?

Clueless Person #9:  Would you dedicate your next book to me?

Me:  No, but I’ll dedicate a karaoke song to you.

Clueless Person #10:  It must be great to be a writer and have so much free time!

Me:  It must be great to have such a wonderful sense of humor!

Bonus question:

Clueless Person:  Are you going to write about this?

Me:  Yes.  And I’m going to make you ugly and stupid.

Posted by Kristina in Musings

I'm a writer, editor, blogger, mama, wife and coffee lover.

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