True Love

Friday, February 25th, 2005 • 5 Comments on True Love

Is there something in your life no one understands, not even the people closest to you?  Do you avoid talking about it so you won’t be forced to answer questions that can’t really be answered?  Do you joke about it, hoping no one will see how tense it makes you to discuss your desire?  Do you dream about it, waking in a fevered tangle of sheets, disappointed that it was only a dream? 

Do you think about your desire while you’re at work, while you’re on your way to work, while you’re in the shower, while in the middle of a conversation?  Does it make you smile in a way that makes people wonder what you’re thinking?  Do you wish you could better control your urge?  Do you try to resist the pull of your passion, only to succumb at the most inconvenient moments? 

Do you wish you knew more people with your addiction, a support group to get you through the rough days?  Do you ever wonder why you, why this fixation?  Do you feel happiest when you’ve given in to the craving, immersed yourself in your own secret world?  Do you feel guilty for enjoying it so much?  Do you keep friends waiting so you can get a quick fix?  Do you wish people could just understand that it’s not them, it’s not personal, it’s just something you


have to be happy?

Does your obsession make you deliriously happy and tragically sad?  Does it have highs so high you feel like you’ll never come down and lows so low that you hide the kitchen knives?  Do you rationalize the black moods and tell yourself it’s worth it, no matter what?  Do you accept the pain as a part of package, willing to open a vein if it means you’ll feel the joy again?

Does your passion make you laugh?  Does it make you cry?  Does it make you think?  Does it make you feel?  Does it fulfill you?  Does it leave you exhausted?  Does it rejuvenate you?  Does it scare you?  Really,


scare you?  Do you know, in your heart, that you could get through anything life hands you as long as you didn’t have to give up this one thing?

That’s what it’s like to be a writer.

Posted by Kristina in Writing
  • Amy says:

    Yes! Especially the “opening a vein” part. It’s the only thing I know that can feel like indulgence and torture at the same time.

    I’ve tried to live my life without writing, and everything gets dim and claustrophobic and anxiety-laden. I’d rather have the colorful pain of writing.

  • Jae says:

    the support group is called, “I want Jae but I shall never have him.”  it’s international with over 10,000 memebers.  the first step is admitting you have a problem.  now, stop looking at me so funny at work.  grin

    good post, love it.  it’s how i feel about teaching- which will never earn me fame or fortune.  but your writing will (for you not me).

  • Amy says:

    Just wanted you to know that I posted a small section of your post on my blog (credited, of course.) I thought the description of both the pain and indulgence of writing bore repeating.

  • charlie says:

    Ugh. I hated that I knew exactly what you were talking about by the second sentence. Great post.

  • Suzanne says:

    I keep coming back and re-reading this post.  I relate to it in so many ways.  Great piece. smile

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