Friday, December 16th, 2005 • No Comments on I’ll Have a Blue Christmas
The weather continues to be dreary, as does my mood. Wrapping Christmas presents for four hours didn’t help, but spending those four hours alone didn’t hurt. Lately, all I want to do is be alone. In part because I can’t tolerate being around people right now (even the ones I like, never mind the ones I don’t), but also because I’d rather not feel guilty for ruining someone else’s holiday cheer with my bah-humbug mood.
This is the hardest time of year for me (see Jae’s latest post for a glimpse as to why—I swear we could be twins, if not for an eleven year age gap) and I tend to have the blues from the beginning of December until well into January. “The blues” is such a colorful euphemism for depression, isn’t it? It’s a lighthearted description of something that hits me like a freight train and flattens me for weeks. The blues. Yes, we could say I have the blues.
The thing is, even if every little detail of this holiday season was perfect, I would still be blue. I know, because I’ve had holiday seasons when every little detail
was perfect because I made it so. Perfection is highly overrated and quite exhausting. This year, every little detail is decidedly not
perfect, which only serves to deepen my sadness. In an attempt not to inflict it upon others, I simply want to go into hibernation for the next couple of weeks. I’m afraid that’s not an option, however.
Every year, I swear that next year I’m going to run away for Christmas. Maybe next year I’ll actually do it.