Tuesday, January 9th, 2007 • No Comments on Beware the Moose
I received the following e-mail from Sheri this morning:
Maybe it’s because I watched “The Stand” marathon this weekend, but Austin’s dead birds and stinky New York are freaking me out. How was your weekend?
I responded that she must be speaking in some strange code because I had no idea what she was talking about. She then sent me two links to CNN.com news stories about the dead birds in Austin and the strange odor in New York. I suggested she stop reading CNN.com and look for old 80’s music videos on YouTube.
Fast forward a few hours. I’m sitting at the bookstore, drinking my coffee, trying to motivate myself to write. I text Sheri. She texts me. Back and forth we go.
(or, The Art of Creative Procrastination):
Me: Did you hear? The sky is falling!
Sheri: Are you mocking me?
Me: Mock you? Never! I did hear there is an unusually high number of moose in Yellowstone this winter. Isn’t that one of the signs of the apocalypse? Plague, locusts, firestorms, moose. Right?
Sheri: Ha. Ha. You’re so funny.
Me: Oh no! Oh, this is scary! The sun is going DOWN!
Sheri: Rude. You’ll be sorry when the raccoons revolt.
Me: The raccoons are my minions. It is good to have minions during the apocalypse. The only problem is if there is a banana shortage due to the firestorms.
Sheri: And what happens when there’s a turf war between the kids in the house and the raccoons? You’ll totally be a pawn. Then you’ll be sorry for sure.
Me: They will eat me first, of course. But it is a better way to die than being trampled by moose.
Sheri: Maybe you could befriend the moose. Give them PB&J sandwiches. I hear they prefer Jif. They’re choosy.
Me: Good idea. But what about the prairie dogs? I fear the prairie dogs.
Sheri: Stay off the prairie and you’ll be fine.
Me: You’re so smart. I guess that’s why you wear the aluminum foil hat. It’s very striking. And shiny.
Sheri: Thank you. It matches my fillings that I use to talk to the aliens.
Me: So you’re smart AND stylish! You’re my hero. You, and the park ranger who told me about the moose.
I got several hours of writing in, despite the amusing distraction, and picked up this book to send Sheri. You know, just in case.