Friday, May 18th, 2007 • No Comments on Ducks In a Row
I’m out of sorts these days, but I knew I would be. April was a crazy month of wrapping up my grad school experience and finishing preparations for the London trip and beginning the birthday celebration and catching up on writing deadlines that fell by the wayside over the spring. Now, the degree is in hand (it came in the mail on Tuesday) and the trip is behind me (sniff!) and the birthday is all but over (next weekend…) and the writing deadlines are dropping off as they tend to do at this time of year. I’m feeling jittery, panicky, nervous, all sure signs that my schedule has too many holes in it.
Right now, the only pressing matter is Annabelle, the diabetic kitty. She came home from the emergency vet today and we will be starting all over with getting her regulated on insulin. The whole process is maddening and crazy and frustrating and expensive, but she’s my cat. So, we do what we have to do.
I don’t do well without some sort of structure to my life and giving insulin shots twice a day simply doesn’t provide enough structure. I’m tentatively job hunting, but will probably hold off on pursuing anything seriously until after the summer when Jay has gone off to Rhode Island for six or so months and I’m in dire need of human interaction. I’m looking at taking some classes this summer and fall, just for fun. I know, I’m crazy.
I’m organizing my writing files, revisiting some old projects and scratching out some ideas for new ones. I’m also in the process of creating a new blog. Not to worry, this one isn’t going anywhere. The one I’m working on is my “blog project”—a temporary blog with a specific purpose. I’ll reveal more in a few weeks. I hope it works out. I hope it’s fun. I hope it’s interesting. I hope someone reads it. Other than me, of course. I have big plans for downsizing our junk (more specifically, my book collection) and continuing to house hunt while Jay is away. There are lists, many lists, of things I’m going to do in the coming months.
I recognize what is happening because it always happens pre-deployment (though this time isn’t actually a deployment, it’s just a separation—“just,” right?)—I’m switching into survival mode. Living alone is hard when you’re not used to it, harder still when you actually like (never mind love) the person you’re going to be separated from. The schedule we’ve had for the past couple of years only makes it that much harder—we’ll be going from being together almost 24/7 to zero, overnight. It’s going to be a long fall, winter, spring… it’s going to be difficult, probably the most difficult separation yet. So, I’m getting ready now. I still have two months to prepare, to spend time with Jay and make my lists and plan my months alone. I also have to get Jay ready for this because, while my coping skills involve list making and schedule planning, his coping skills lean toward denial. I need all the time I can get because I hate change, especially change like this. It sucks. There really is no other way to put it.
Did I mention it’s going to be hard? Grad school was nothing compared to what this is going to be like, but I’ve done it before and I can do it again. It’s just going to take some time to get used to having to do it again. Good thing I have months and months to get used to it, huh? Hey, it could always be worse. Rhode Island is not Iraq. I keep reminding myself of that. It almost always helps.