Wednesday, February 6th, 2008 • No Comments on The Mind Wanders…
Working on lecture notes for Friday. I do not like writing lecture notes. This, I have discovered. I do not like giving lectures. This, I already knew.
Writing lecture notes doesn’t require a lot of thought, just time and reading the text and applying the concepts. So, while part of my brain is consumed with making connections between Joseph Campbell and religion and contemporary culture rooted in mythology, the rest of my brain is thinking of other things:
— The essay on rape culture in America that I’m trying to put together. I am not a nonfiction writer, but I have many thoughts and opinions on a variety of subjects, so when I see a call for submissions on a topic that interests me, I try to stretch my wings. But this is a struggle. So much to say… but how to say it?
—My sad little script pages that look like they have been bled on. Gotta love red ink for the visceral response it evokes. It’s a good thing, though. I knew I’d suck at writing a screenplay because brevity is not in my vocabulary. Hence the reason for taking a class rather than just buying a book and struggling through it on my own. It’s good to get feedback—even when it means I’ll be rewriting almost the entire scene I submitted.
—Super Tuesday. Wow. My head is all over the place when it comes to politics lately. I’m behind Hillary Clinton. I want to see a woman become president in my lifetime and I honestly believe she is the best candidate experience-wise. She’s smart and savvy and she knows the ropes. I’m so, so sick of the Hillary bashing, especially when it’s woman-bashing disguised as Hillary bashing. If you hate her politics, fine. But the people who simply don’t want to see a woman become president—especially when they’re women themselves—it scares the crap out of me. Some women whom I would expect to be huge Clinton supporters have said the most vicious things about her—about her, not her politics. Why?
—Then there’s Barack Obama and his beautiful speeches. He appeals to me, too. There is so much hope for this election—hope for real change. Virginia’s primary is next Tuesday and I think I know which way I’ll vote, but it’s hard. It’s a good kind of hard, though. Good to have choices that feel like choices. A Clinton-Obama ticket would probably keep me smiling into the next decade. I know I’m not the only one, but sometimes I wonder what people are so afraid of—could anyone be a worse choice than what we have now?
—Writing, writing, tons of other writing. Anthology deadlines coming up. I have hit the fifty mark. I have an entire book shelf—36 inches wide, at least—packed with anthologies that contain my stories (and my one novel, in various formats). Why this isn’t more satisfying, I don’t know. Okay, I do know. It’s not enough. Is it ever? All of those stories are sweet rewards, but I crave my name on the cover.
—I don’t think I’ll be teaching this summer, so the question remains how I will spend my summer vacation. It’s only February, but not too soon to start thinking about it. My life is flexible and fluid and subject to change, but I do like a little structure.
More, so much more. But I will leave you with someone else’s words. They suit my current situation:
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.—Anais Nin