Saturday, September 6th, 2008 • 1 Comment on Learning to Let Go
As Hanna blows out of town, leaving only some wind and rain in her wake (thankfully), I decided to pack up the computer and get out of the house for a little while. I know I haven’t been blogging here much lately and that has a lot to do with stuff going on behind the scenes and the fact that the writing hasn’t been happening lately. I just told Jay I need to remedy that—and soon—because the fastest way out of depression (which is where I seem to be at the moment) is to write myself out of it. And not writing only seems to lead me deeper into a funk. So, I’ll be back on writing track next week. Seriously.
It hasn’t been all blue lately—it just feels that way sometimes—and even though the writing isn’t happening, other writing news has brightened my in-box. I sold two stories in the past week or so and received an utterly charming mention in Ashley Lister’s review of Rachel Kramer Bussel’s anthology Rubber Sex:
Kristina Wright’s, “The Dress,” is a wickedly exciting tale that epitomises the appeal of rubber sex. Kristina’s heroine doesn’t just wear a latex dress—it possesses her. Kristina is a phenomenal writer and “The Dress” shows that she has the enviable ability to tell a story and simultaneously excite her readers.
That’s enough to bring a smile to my face. I’ve never been called a phenomenal writer before. I think Mr. Lister is being overly generous, but I will gladly and gratefully take the compliment—I need it right now. “The Dress” was one of my favorite stories to write and it was absolutely lovely to see it end up as the first story in the collection. A nice reminder that, even if I don’t think I’m phenomenal, at least I know I don’t totally suck.
I freed up a lot of my time this semester for writing (in theory) by dropping my two graduate Women’s Studies classes. Long story short, I just can’t deal with academia right now. I attended classes the first week and just wasn’t feeling it. I knew it would be a waste of time to force myself to endure two classes for the next four months, but I actually felt a little guilty withdrawing for the semester. I’m strange like that. I don’t like to give up on things, but I know it was the right thing for me to do right now.
Teaching is another story—I’m already committed for this semester (actually, I just realized I haven’t signed a contract yet. Hmm.)—so I’m trying to give my students my all. Or my best. Or at least my attention. I’m not sure if I’ll teach again in the spring—after three semesters, I’m pretty much over teaching English Composition. We’ll see. I think I said that about this fall, but I had the summer break to forget how tedious it can be.
I see a hint of blue sky and sunshine behind the ridge of grey clouds and that seems to be an appropriate metaphor for my life at the moment. It’s been a hell of a ride so far this year, enough so to make me wonder what’s next. I have muttered the phrase, “Just let go” to myself a few times in the past couple of weeks and it seems appropriate that my horoscope yesterday should be about that very thing:
It’s hard to let go sometimes and you are finding it harder than ever right now. It’s important for you to at least make the effort, though, because you need some kind of closure soon.
Ahh. Letting go. Not something I’m particularly good at. (See above about feeling guilty for dropping classes I don’t really need.) But I’m trying.