Thursday, April 9th, 2009 • 56 Comments on My Turn to Blow Hard!
Welcome to the next stop on the Blow Hard 2009 Tour! What’s the tour all about? Well, it was inspired by this post by the fabulous Sommer Marsden. A bunch of us chimed in with our comments on the subject of, er… blowing… and thus a tour was born!
Now, here’s the thing. I know and adore many naughty, lusty women (and a few pervy guys, too) and I’m more than happy to send you off to their blogs and websites to read their salacious stories (and sometimes see their sexy bits). But I tend to keep my blog in the PG-13 range and leave the hardcore stuff between the book covers, which means I have to be creative about this hard blowing topic. That’s the beauty of euphemisms. On her tour day, Erobintica discussed euphemistic phrases for that most delicious oral treat. If you’re collecting a list of phrases to… er… whip out at the next cocktail party, here are a few more I found:
Blow the Whistle
Cop a Doodle
Hum a Tune
Inhale the Oyster
Polish the Chrome
Smoke the White Owl
Suck the Sugar-Stick
(All kinds of other fun euphemisms for sex can be found here.)
Sadly, many of those phallic phrases are more laughable than sexy. Does any man say, “Oh baby, I want you to inhale the oyster?” I’m thinking not. But maybe it would sound sexier in Latin. One of my all time favorite movies is Dangerous Beauty. It is based on the true story of Veronica Franco, a sixteenth century Venetian courtesan. In one scene, the angry wives of Venice gather to ask Veronica why their husbands keep returning to her bed. Veronica satisfies their curiosity with a demonstration and a lesson in Latin:
Don’t you think Veronica would just love being a part of the Blow Hard tour? (The wives remind me of Sommer’s friend, actually.)
Here is a little BJ teaser of my MILFy story “Student Body” that appeared in Ultimate Undies: Erotic Stories About Underwear and Lingerie:
He looked up, his eyes heavy-lidded with his own growing lust. “What? Did I do something wrong?”
Younger men are just so damned adorable. “No, I just wanted to know what kind of underwear you’re wearing.”
To accentuate my point, I ran my finger along the elastic of his underwear.
He looked at me as if I’d asked him who his long distance provider was. “Huh?”
“Boxers? Briefs? Oh, never mind, I’ll find out for myself.” I reached for the waistband of his jeans and got them unfastened. The rasp of the zipper made me shiver. “Oh,” I sighed, tugging his jeans down his legs. “Boxer briefs.”
Matthew raised his hips so I could get his jeans off and reached for the waistband of his underwear.
I put my hands over his. “Wait,” I whispered.
I spoke to his impressive erection. “Because I like your underwear.”
For the record, I didn’t have these boxer briefs in mind, but it certainly would be interesting to discover a guy wearing these:
(found on RKB‘s blog)
Yes, I know, that excerpt left off at the best part. Hmph. Because I tend to write in more graphic language than the euphemisms offered above, it’s almost impossible for me to find a longer selection without veering off into X-rated territory! So, here’s the deal: leave a comment sharing your favorite oral sex scene from a movie and I will choose a winner at random at the conclusion of the Blow Hard 2009 Tour. The winner will receive a copy of Ultimate Undies and something to suck on. Heh. Even better, your comment here will also make you eligible for the Blow Hard 2009 Tour Grand Prize of goodies!!
Be sure to visit Isabel Kerr tomorrow as the Blow Hard 2009 Tour continues! And if you’ve missed any of the stops along the tour, do be sure to visit the other fabulous authors:
March 31st: Sommer Marsden
April 1: Alison Tyler
April 2: Dakota Rebel
April 3: Erobintica
April 4: Cora Zane
April 5: Heidi Champa
April 6: EllaRegina
April 7: Marina St. Clare
April 8: Emerald
April 9: Kristina Wright
April 10: Isabel Kerr
April 11: Neve Black
April 12: Surprise Guest
April 13: Surprise Guest
And a very special thanks to Sommer for organizing the tour and making it so much fun to talk about all things lickable. You rock, lady.
Now, I will leave you with this completely innocent T-shirt sure to appeal to those who love poultry and lollipops: