Sunday, January 2nd, 2011 • 5 Comments on I Resolve to Roll With the Punches
We measure our lives in terms of hours and days and weeks and months and years. We are constantly looking ahead or thinking back, rarely grounded in the present moment. I’m as guilty as anyone, planning the future, reminiscing (or mourning) the past. I barely had time to breathe last January, much less contemplate resolutions for the new year, but I still took a shot at putting some goals in writing. I accomplished more than I thought I would of that list—traveling a bit, signing new contracts with Cleis Press, celebrating our 20th anniversary with our annual day trip to Williamsburg (not quite a romantic getaway, but maybe we’ll squeeze something in this year).
I was contemplating resolutions for this year when I took a pregnancy test and found out… holy fertility… I’m pregnant. No, we weren’t “planning” it. We had been talking about it off and on for months, but had never really committed to it. (Rather, I hadn’t committed—Jay has wanted another baby since I was pregnant with the last one!) On the other hand, we hadn’t given away any of the baby stuff either—not even a onesie. I gave the too-small Bumbo seat (a wonderful thing for babies who can’t sit up yet) to friends months ago with the understanding that it’s only a loan. Clearly, despite my ambivalence about another baby, I wasn’t ready to close the door on the idea.
I started 2010 with a four week old baby and I ended 2010 four weeks pregnant. What a year! And now I’m faced with trying to put down some resolutions in writing, knowing that pregnancy and another baby are certain to throw a wrench in the works. I realize things may not go well because of my age and history of miscarriage, but I am trying to maintain a cautious level of optimism. I announced my pregnancy pretty much immediately for the simple fact that as soon as I order a decaf black and white mocha at Starbucks the baristas are going to know what’s up since they were along for the ride last year. It seemed silly for the Starbucks crew (most of whom I’ve friended on Facebook) to know I was pregnant while my closest friends did not.
So now what do I do? Do I write resolutions based on being pregnant and having a baby at the end of August or beginning of September? Do I forge ahead with resolutions that don’t factor pregnancy and a new baby into things? Do I skip the resolutions again this year and just shoot for some random goals?