Thursday, February 3rd, 2011 • 2 Comments
Do you know David Vienna? If you have a baby or toddler or twins or just a good sense of humor about parenting, you should read The Daddy Complex. I know, I know, it’s another parenting blog. But he’s funny. And honest. Brutally honest. My favorite posts are the “conversations” he has with his twin boys Wyatt and Boone (are those not awesome names?). They’re not real conversations—his boys are only around 2, I think—but I bet if his kids could carry on full conversations, they’d sound just like this:
Wyatt: Hey, dude. You got a sec?
Wyatt: I just wanted to let you know I’m going to throw a fit in a few minutes.
Wyatt: Yeah. And it’s going to be a doozy. Shrieking, crying, hitting, flailing. It’ll be like a greatest hits of my best tantrums.
Me: No. Please.
Boone: What’s going on?
Me: Your brother… Get your finger out of your nose. Your brother says he’s going to throw a massive fit.
Boone: Cool. Wait. Let me get my crackers.
Me: Why? I mean if you know it’s coming, maybe we can avoid it.
Wyatt: You can’t avoid the inevitable, old man. I’ve got to go pee. You’re going to ask me to go on the potty. That’s how it will start.
Me: Well, you have to learn to use the potty.
Wyatt: See? Inevitable. Once I get going, I’ll ramp up quickly to nuclear holocaust level.
Boone: I’m back. What did I miss?
Me: He says he’s going to throw a fit because I’m going to tell him to use the potty.
Boone: Oh, good, a classic.
Wyatt: I’m telling you, this will be like the Armageddon of meltdowns.
Boone: I love this story.
Me: What if I don’t ask you to use the potty?
Boone: A twist! Awesome.
Me: Experts say if a child reacts badly to potty training to put them back in diapers and sort of hit the reset button.
Boone: Wow! I did not see that coming.
Wyatt: I guess that would be okay.
Me: Okay. Let’s get you in a diaper and we’ll try the potty training again in a week or two.
Boone: Hold on. That’s it? That’s no way to end this story. Where’s the action, the drama, the pathos?
Me: It’s best for Wyatt.
Boone: Fine. While you’re in problem-solving mode, I just wet my pants.
Patrick hasn’t reached the tantrum stage—and I won’t mind if he bypasses that toddler milestone entirely—but these “conversations” remind me that tantrums and potty training and all the rest of the madness of toddlerhood will eventually pass. Might as well laugh at the frustrating stuff—and enjoy the good stuff.