Tuesday, November 8th, 2011 • No Comments on I Feel a Cold Coming On
My mind is all over the place today. I can’t concentrate on my NaNoWriMo novel. I was doing some research on Tumblr, looking at pictures and such that might inspire the book, and came across some disturbing stuff. My NaNoWriMo book is based on my story erotic vampire story “Cutter” which is about, you guessed it, a vampire and a cutter. Fictionalizing someone who cuts as a vehicle for a vampire story is one thing—but reading about real cutters and their pain (and seeing some of the pictures they post) on Tumblr as part of the research for what is—essentially—a piece of fluff fiction is… upsetting.
Am I being too cavalier in writing an erotic urban fantasy about a character who cuts? I don’t know. It’s not like I’m so far removed from the character I write about. I do understand the psychology behind cutting and the emotional pain associated with it. I’m not trying to make light of the issue, but maybe my story romanticizes it? Again, I don’t know. Argh. I’m writing fantasy, but where is the intersection between writing and responsibility? I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know. So, I’m kind of not in the mood to work on the book right now. I think maybe I need to skip around the cutting and see if I can get a better feel for the characters. It’s supposed to be a darkly erotic book and I’m just not feeling it right now.
I am, however, feeling like I’m getting sick and that makes my mind go in a dozen different directions instead of focusing on one thing. I don’t have ADD, but sometimes my imagination finds connections in things and as I ponder one thought I end up chasing another thought down the rabbit hole… My brain is off onto tangents about body image and sexuality and what is erotic (and what isn’t) and perceptions of desire and age and desire and size. I don’t know if any of these things will find their way into this book I’m writing or if I’ll follow some of these threads in something else I’m writing. I just know that right now I need to find some focus and write some words somewhere.
Just a few links to show you where my mind is at the moment, because I clearly don’t have the words to express my thoughts coherently:
Only Cute Chubby Girls (Tumblr, possibly NSFW)
Sex Is Not the Enemy (Tumblr, NSFW)
The comment thread for Legitimizing Erotica (My column last week at Oh Get A Grip!)
Boobs, Bras, Sex, Cougars and Sluts (Rita Wilson at Huffington Post)