Tired, grumpy and a feeling a little aggravated at the world right now. Hopefully I’ll wake up in a better mood. Then again, I have to wake up early to go to work, so what are the odds my mood will improve? Yeah, that’s what I thought.
Check back tomorrow for another thrilling episode of my life, where the sarcasm is free and I’m easy.*
*That was, of course, me being sarcastic. I’m not easy. Much.
While the rest of the world sleeps, I ponder the important questions of my life.
--Is it okay to want the Carolina Panthers to win the Super Bowl just because I used to live in South Carolina? Also, I like their mascot better.
--Is it wrong to miss a one-season television show desperately? Is it crazy to believe Jeremy Piven would be my soul mate if only he knew who I was? Is it possible they will someday release those few episodes of Cupid on DVD?
--Is it silly to consider voting for John for president? I don’t mean John Kerry, either. Maybe Jeremy could be his running mate. Gotta say, I think Jeremy and John would be fun to hang with, in or out of the White House.
--Is it possible to donate money to PETA without having to receive their magazine filled with sad, tragic stories I feel compelled to read and then cry over?
--Is Friendster cool or geeky? The person who invited me to join is cool, and yet I feel like a geek for signing up.
--Is it weird that I already knew my Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon before checking out this very cool University of Virginia Computer Science site? Actually, I’m only three degrees from Kevin. My friend John (no, not Kerry or Cusack) was in No Way Out with Kevin Costner, who was in JFK with Kevin Bacon. We’re practically family.
--Is it a coincidence that insomnia and insanity are such similar words?
Verbal communication is not my strong suit. I’m sure that’s because, well, I’m a writer. Duh. I could write a ten thousand word essay on the extremely deep subject of my complicated emotions, but if forced to verbalize my feelings, I am likely to mumble, “I’m just upset.” Or, better yet, I’ll ignore the question and pretend nothing is wrong. That works, right?
I am not anti-social, I am not lacking in self-esteem. I can sustain a phone conversation until I’m hoarse, so it’s not like I don’t like to talk, but confrontation of any kind has always been difficult for me. I’m sure that stems from some deep rooted childhood issues and a fear of abandonment. Go along to get along. To which the obvious response is: get over it. The thing is, it’s not a game I’m playing; it’s not some passive-aggressive attempt to get what I want. It goes against my nature to tell someone they’ve made me angry or hurt my feelings.
It’s taken me most of my life to figure out that confrontation isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I’ve lost friends because I didn’t want a confrontation but couldn’t deal with the situation any more. Of course, I’ve lost friends as the result of confrontations, as well. Still, I’m learning that silence is never the answer if it’s something or someone I care about. I think, I hope, I have gotten better about expressing myself. I’m working on it.
I also realize my opinions can be taken as confrontational whether I intend them that way or not. I know some of my beliefs are unusual, and I know that can be threatening. I also know that if I say or write something, I have to be willing to defend it. That is not always easy, especially on days when I feel like I’m the freak in the crowd. It’s not hard being me, but sometimes it’s hard to explain who I am. I’m still figuring that out for myself.
I’d rather make love than war, but if a brawl is inevitable, I’ll put on the gloves and try to fight fair. Just remember I have a glass jaw, okay?
For those who love IKEA, or anyone who is wondering what the fuss is all about, this guy does a pretty good job of explaining it (especially the checkout process, during which I said “Do I really need this?” no fewer than six times).
My first trip to IKEA took over three hours, so consider yourself warned if you decide to venture forth into the world of Swedish housewares. They do have The World’s Best Cheese Grater(TM), though. I think there may even be a fan club.
Love that IKEA.
Life. Love. Writing. Friendship.
Sex. Books. Movies. Travel. Politics. Feminism. Academia. Insomnia. Rants. Raves. Chocolate. Lots of chocolate. Some names have been changed, some stories have been embellished. Thanks for stopping by and beware of the dog. Read more...
