Hello there.  Have you missed me?  I apologize for the silence.  It’s been a hectic few weeks around here (quietly hectic, of course-- you should never wake a sleeping baby!).  Let me catch up…

After celebrating Christmas on Monday, Jay left yesterday to return to Dubai.  He was originally given 2 weeks of leave, but was granted an additional 6 days when I ended up with a Cesarean section and wildly high postpartum blood pressure that carried over from the last few weeks of my pregnancy (which is what necessitated the attempted induction that resulted in the Cesarean).  I was grateful that Jay was here for Patrick’s birth and had nearly three weeks at home even if his command couldn’t see fit to give him more leave despite my doctor saying my recovery would be 6 to 8 weeks.  (I’ll save the eye-rolling and snickering for another post.)

I’m also grateful that I’m recovering more quickly than anticipated.  Even my doctor and the nurses were impressed with how well I’m doing.  Good thing, eh?  Though it wasn’t the birth experience I wanted-- and that’s something I’m still coming to terms with-- the end result was a very perfect baby.  I have no regrets in sticking to my guns and refusing to be induced before Jay came home or for opting to be induced rather than go with a Cesarean section first.  The induction was hell on earth and I wouldn’t wish that kind of artificially induced pain on anyone, but I’d do it again in a heartbeat if it would work.  (Also to be saved for another post: the evils of being induced with Pitocin before a baby is ready to be born.) I’ll be analyzing the situation for a long time to come, wondering what I could/should have done differently and whether anything would have made the difference between a natural birth and a Cesarean, but I imagine the disappointment and sense of disconnect will fade in time as I settle into motherhood.

It’s hard to believe-- and scary, if I let myself dwell on it-- that I am the sole care provider for a newborn.  Me, who had never changed a diaper before this little one came into my life.  Even then, I didn’t change my first diaper until he was 4 days old.  (I spent 4 days in the hospital and was more than willing to let Jay take care of the diaper-changing duties.)

In some ways, the next few months will be worse for Jay.  It’s hard for me to imagine leaving Patrick for even a day right now, so I can’t imagine what this experience is like for Jay.  I’m grateful this should (hopefully) be his last deployment.  We’ll all get through it, somehow.  Patrick will do better than either of us, I think-- which is as it should be.

So here I am, a new mother alone with a baby until June (maybe May, but I’m not counting on it), wondering how this all happened and grateful this amazing creature came into my life…

Posted by Kristina in Baby at 06:23 PM Permalink