Rainy Days and Mondays
Talkin’ to myself and feelin’ old
Sometimes, I’d like to quit
Nothin’ ever seems to fit
Hangin’ around
Nothin’ to do but frown
Rainy days and Mondays always get me downWhat I’ve got they used to call the blues
Nothin’ is really wrong
Feelin’ like I don’t belong
Walkin’ around
Some kind of lonely clown
Rainy days and Mondays always get me downFunny but it seems I always wind up here with you
Nice to know somebody loves me
Funny but it seems that it’s the only thing to do,
Run and find the one who loves me
(The one who loves me)What I feel has come and gone before
No need to talk it out (talk it out)
We know what it’s all about
Hangin’ around
Nothin’ to do but frown
Rainy days and Mondays always get me down
Combine a rainy, chilly Monday with a husband who deployed this morning for six months and a vet appointment this afternoon for Wilbur cat who has gone suddenly blind, and you could say today has definitely got me down. I’m trying to regroup-- sitting in Starbucks, drinking my iced mocha and looking over my extensive to do list-- but I think today is a lost cause.
I’ll be okay, it’ll just take a little time and getting back into a routine. It’s not as if I don’t have a hundred things to do in the next few days, weeks, months. There are some good things on the horizon, too. I can only feel sorry for myself for so long before I get tired of whining and get back to writing and making plans.
But probably not today. Today, I’m feeling sad and watching the miserable rain.
My dirty little secret: I skipped my screenwriting class tonight so I could… work. Sigh…
I know that in about six weeks I’m going to be panic-free and wondering what all the fuss was about, but right now-- crunch time-- I’m wondering how I’m going to get it all done. Lectures to write for Mythology class, photocopies to make, a final exam to write, tons of essays to grade for English Comp, that damned screenplay that is in my head but not on the page, eight-- nine?-- writing deadlines (a couple of which I’ve committed to and don’t even have ideas for), appointments to make and keep (new glasses tomorrow, finally, and my car is out of the shop today, hurrah!), a husband to ready for deployment-- and his birthday to celebrate… and more, much more.
I’m not to the point where I can thrive on the madness-- I’m kind of in the panic mode, which is only enhanced by the impending deployment in three-- THREE-- short weeks. Ack.
I am promising myself a peaceful, happy summer with a trip (or two). That is what is keeping me motivated right now, rather than pulling out my hair (or all of my hair, rather). Summer will be quiet… a little lonely, maybe, but peaceful and creative…
Until then… I skip class to work. I’m pathetic.
Civilian Married Couple vs. Military Married Couple:
Civilian Married Couple:
You complain that you haven’t seen your spouse all week because you work opposite schedules.
Military Married Couple:
You mention that you haven’t seen your spouse in months because you live in different places.
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Civilian Married Couple:
You take a call from your spouse even though you’re busy… just because.
Military Married Couple:
You take a call from your spouse even though you’re busy… because you might not get another chance for a couple of weeks.
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Civilian Married Couple:
Your spouse goes away for three days and when you’re together again you have reunion sex.
Military Married Couple:
Your spouse goes away for six months and when you’re together again you have reunion sex… for three days.
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I love…
--My screenwriting class. I’m learning something new and it’s a challenge and that rocks!
--My screenwriting professor. He is enthusiastic and interesting and we spent two hours talking yesterday about movies and my sucky screenplay and writing in general.
--Pretty jewelry from my sweet guy. He knows I like unusual designs and metals and he always gets it right.
--My pets, especially the old kitties and puppy who snuggle with me at night and make me feel less alone. Sweetness! (Until they wake me up with hacking noises and plaintive wails for food...)
--Flattering e-mails about my writing. I’d call it “fan mail,” but I end up getting to know these people who say such nice things about my writing and become their fans! I feel like I get more out of the experience than a compliment, every time.
--Sending out books. Seriously. I love sharing books-- whether they include stuff I’ve written or not.
--Waking up to a dusting of snow. I’m ready for spring, but there’s still something magical about it.
--That I’m almost 41 years old and I’m ovulating normally!
--All of the cool, talented, fantastic women writers, editors, activists and bloggers I know-- I wish y’all lived closer. Seriously.
--Having a Starbucks down the street that has enough seating and power outlets to keep me working all day long-- and home in 10 minutes.
--That my back doesn’t hurt. Yay for pain-free days!
--Baker’s Crust. Yum.
--Anticipation. Sweet and hopeful and breathless anticipation.
--Feeling free. Comfortable clothes, peaceful work space, no office, no meetings, no boss, flexible schedule 95% of the time. Freedom. I never get tired of it and I never take it for granted.
--That I’m learning how to let go. It’s a different kind of freedom, one I have never really understood.
Valentine’s Day and so much to love. What do you love?
Working on lecture notes for Friday. I do not like writing lecture notes. This, I have discovered. I do not like giving lectures. This, I already knew.
Writing lecture notes doesn’t require a lot of thought, just time and reading the text and applying the concepts. So, while part of my brain is consumed with making connections between Joseph Campbell and religion and contemporary culture rooted in mythology, the rest of my brain is thinking of other things:
-- The essay on rape culture in America that I’m trying to put together. I am not a nonfiction writer, but I have many thoughts and opinions on a variety of subjects, so when I see a call for submissions on a topic that interests me, I try to stretch my wings. But this is a struggle. So much to say… but how to say it?
--My sad little script pages that look like they have been bled on. Gotta love red ink for the visceral response it evokes. It’s a good thing, though. I knew I’d suck at writing a screenplay because brevity is not in my vocabulary. Hence the reason for taking a class rather than just buying a book and struggling through it on my own. It’s good to get feedback-- even when it means I’ll be rewriting almost the entire scene I submitted.
--Super Tuesday. Wow. My head is all over the place when it comes to politics lately. I’m behind Hillary Clinton. I want to see a woman become president in my lifetime and I honestly believe she is the best candidate experience-wise. She’s smart and savvy and she knows the ropes. I’m so, so sick of the Hillary bashing, especially when it’s woman-bashing disguised as Hillary bashing. If you hate her politics, fine. But the people who simply don’t want to see a woman become president-- especially when they’re women themselves-- it scares the crap out of me. Some women whom I would expect to be huge Clinton supporters have said the most vicious things about her-- about her, not her politics. Why?
--Then there’s Barack Obama and his beautiful speeches. He appeals to me, too. There is so much hope for this election-- hope for real change. Virginia’s primary is next Tuesday and I think I know which way I’ll vote, but it’s hard. It’s a good kind of hard, though. Good to have choices that feel like choices. A Clinton-Obama ticket would probably keep me smiling into the next decade. I know I’m not the only one, but sometimes I wonder what people are so afraid of-- could anyone be a worse choice than what we have now?
--I discovered that when I swapped out Springsteen’s Magic for a little Motown my mood improved-- at least while driving. I love Bruce, but my mood is dark enough these days without his haunting lyrics.
--Writing, writing, tons of other writing. Anthology deadlines coming up. I have hit the fifty mark. I have an entire book shelf-- 36 inches wide, at least-- packed with anthologies that contain my stories (and my one novel, in various formats). Why this isn’t more satisfying, I don’t know. Okay, I do know. It’s not enough. Is it ever? All of those stories are sweet rewards, but I crave my name on the cover.
--I don’t think I’ll be teaching this summer, so the question remains how I will spend my summer vacation. It’s only February, but not too soon to start thinking about it. My life is flexible and fluid and subject to change, but I do like a little structure.
More, so much more. But I will leave you with someone else’s words. They suit my current situation:
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.-- Anais Nin
Life. Love. Writing. Friendship.
Sex. Books. Movies. Travel. Politics. Feminism. Academia. Insomnia. Rants. Raves. Chocolate. Lots of chocolate. Some names have been changed, some stories have been embellished. Thanks for stopping by and beware of the dog. Read more...
