I spend entirely too much time debunking urban legends. No, I don’t actually go out and disprove some of the nonsense that is floating around on the internet. There are websites for that. But I have this itchy respond finger that feels compelled to take anyone to task who forwards or posts something that is a hoax, a myth or a lie. Mostly I do it for the sake of my own sanity-- usually, once I let someone know that e-mail they just forwarded to their 300 closest acquaintances happens to be a myth that’s been circulating since, oh, 1972, they recognize the error of their ways and verify everything they’ve ever heard before they repeat it, e-mail it or put it in their Christmas newsletter. (This, of course, is my own personal myth. The reality is, they probably take me off their e-mail list so I won’t rain on their parade.)
I go after urban legends because I am a writer who has had it hammered into my head since high school journalism that one should always verify sources. I also do it as a teacher, who has heard 18 year old students repeat as gospel urban legends I heard when I was 18. And I do it for kicks, because I question everything and enjoy finding out the truth. Finally, I do it for you-- yes, you. If I can prevent just one person from forwarding some ridiculous story, I figure I’m saving every single person in the world (or at least those who have e-mail) from having to read about how Facebook is going to start charging a monthly subscription. (And if you joined that group on Facebook… you should un-join before I find out about it.)
I rarely forward anything that is sent to me, but I might repeat it-- if it’s true. But first, I have to verify anything that is sent to me or posted on a blog, page or site I read. My favorite urban legend website is Snopes.com. They divide urban legends into categories and have a search engine. Plus, their entries are cleverly written and fun to read. They are the place to go for information. But, because I am a skeptic (or journalist?) at heart, I will cross reference Snopes.com’s information with other urban legend websites or simply Google the key words of the story I’ve been sent. It really is just that easy-- usually. Hey, if CNN can fall for a hoax, it can happen to anyone, right? But it shouldn’t happen more than once.
If research doesn’t interest you, here are some red flags to help you determine whether something you’ve received or been told might be an urban legend:
--If it is about the government, it is an urban legend.
--Likewise, if it involves “the man” in anyway-- i.e. politicians, law enforcement agencies, etc.-- it is probably an urban legend.
--If it is about spiders, snakes, rats, alligators or sharks, it is probably an urban legend. (Yes, gerbils fall under the “rat” category.)
--If it is about someone who is of a different religion, race or ethnicity than the person who has forwarded or repeated it, it is most certainly an urban legend.
--If it involves body parts being cut off, it might be an urban legend. (Thanks to Lorena Bobbitt, this one isn’t always clear cut. Ha. Cut. I made a pun.)
--If it involves anything gross, it is probably an urban legend. (Though people apparently really do stick strange things in places where strange things should not go.)
--If it includes a picture or pictures, someone has gone the extra mile to make their urban legend look pretty.
--If it has professional sounding quotes from unnamed experts, it is an urban legend written by a wannabe fiction writer.
--If it has professional sounding quotes from named experts, the names are probably fake and it is probably an urban legend.
--If it has COMMENTS IN CAPITAL LETTERS INTERJECTED BETWEEN THE PARAGRAPHS, it is an urban legend that has been forwarded so many times it now contains commentary from someone who felt it was their duty to emphasize certain points before forwarding it to their 300 closest acquaintances.
--If it is about a cookie recipe, a cactus, a gang initiation that’s going to take place FRIDAY NIGHT!!!!!! or Pop Rocks, it is an urban legend that has been around longer than the internet has been in existence. Yes, really.
--If it contains more than one exclamation point at the end of any sentence, it is most certainly an urban legend.
--If it has anything to do with your computer and it has not been sent by someone who runs an IT department, it is an urban legend. (And if you do what it says and delete that weird file, it is probably the last thing you will ever read on that computer.)
--If it is anything that has been copied and pasted into an e-mail, it is probably an urban legend.
--If it contains all the headers from all the instances it has been previously forwarded, it is an urban legend sent by someone who is not very bright. (Okay, that’s mean. But seriously, people! Do you really want your professional e-mail address, complete with your company’s information and that legal disclaimer saying that anything contained within “is confidential and not to be forwarded” to be forwarded in perpetuity? For the love of all that is good, if you must forward this crap, forward it from your Hotmail address!)
--Even if it has been forwarded by your mother, your sister, your granny and your pastor, it’s probably still an urban legend. (But I’m sure they all love you and only want what’s best for you.)
--If it is about sex… well, forward it to me and I’ll tell you if it’s an urban legend or not. If I don’t know the answer, I will be happy to research it personally. (And no, the G-spot is not an urban legend.)
Okay, does that clear it up? To summarize: Do not forward anything to anyone until you have verified the veracity of the information you are forwarding. If you choose to ignore this important piece of advice and feel compelled to click Forward: All the next time someone sends you a TRUE STORY ABOUT A WOMAN IN HEAVENHELPUS, NEBRASKA WHO ATE GROUND GLASS IN HER PORK FRIED RICE AND THEN DIED BECAUSE SHE CHOKED TO DEATH ON HER OWN BLOOD IN THE PARKING LOT OF THE RESTAURANT, SO DON’T EAT CHINESE FOOD EVER, EVER, EVER!!!!!!!!, please do me a favor: delete my e-mail address from your address book and forget you know me.
If you have any other sure-fire signs that something is an urban legend, please feel free to add them in the comments. Knowledge is power, after all. I think Fred Rogers said that right after he retired from his job as a professional killer for the Navy SEALS and started that cute little children’s show on PBS.
This has been a Public Service Announcement. Thank you and good night.
My favorite Wallflowers song-- and my writing inspiration this morning:
Hey, come on try a little
Nothing is forever
There’s got to be something better than
In the middle
But me & Cinderella,
We put it all together
We can drive it home
With one headlight
ETA: What do you know? Jakob Dylan… with Bruce Springsteen. Now there’s a threesome I wouldn’t mind being in the middle of:
Today’s babysitting hours will be spent:
--Finishing a story that must, must, must be sent out (via regular mail) tomorrow. I have 1500 words to go.
--Making a serious dent in a second story that must, must, must be finished by the end of the week. I won’t finish it today, but if I can knock out 1000 words, I will be happy.
--Picking up prescriptions for Wilbur (cat) and Henry (dog). Conveniently, the veterinary clinic is in the next building down from Starbucks.
--Having lunch with my friend Wendy (the veterinarian) and her three month old daughter Caitlin, whom I haven’t met yet.
--Working on my next call for submissions!
--Working on the blog for Fairy Tale Lust and looking at the cost effectiveness of promotional items (postcards, business cards, advertising).
And when it’s time to head home (by 4), I will very much be looking forward to hanging out with Patrick for the rest of the day. Did I mention he slept nine hours straight last night and was all smiles this morning?
Life is really good right now. Really good.
I have previously confessed my obsession interest in The Vampire Diaries. I saw the first promotional poster while I was in Chicago last summer and was immediately intrigued. It looked like something I might like.
Of course, at the time I had no idea it was based on yet another teen vampire book series. I haven’t read Twilight and didn’t care for the first movie (though I love the fact that Fairy Tale Lust was mentioned in an article about the teen series and the increasing popularity of fairy tales).
I loved Charlaine Harris’s Southern Vampire series but have been turned off to HBO’s True Blood series-- maybe because it’s lacking the internal monologue of the books, as well as the humor. Plus, the accent grates on my nerves. (Sam Merlotte is my favorite character from the show, even though he’s a wolf, not a vampire. He also doesn’t have the ridiculous accent of most of the characters. But he belongs to Alana.)
So, I gave The Vampire Diaries a chance and now I’m hooked, despite the fact that the female protagonist is in high school and one of the vampire brothers is posing as a high school student. At least there’s sex-- and it’s not awkward teen sex. It’s also not graphic HBO sex, but c’est la vie. And there are the cool flashbacks to the 1800’s, when the female vampire who turned the brothers (and coincidentally looks exactly like the current-day female protagonist) was involved with both brothers. Oh… yum!
And this doesn’t look like a promotional poster for a teen paranormal drama, does it?
I might just be watching The Vampire Diaries for more than the vampires. But you already knew that.
It’s Mardi Gras! That means absolutely nothing to those of us with babies, but I do have a few little things to celebrate:
--Patrick is sleeping through the night! I think I can announce that now, since he has been sleeping at least five hours straight every night for the past two weeks. The best part is that several of those nights have been stretches of six hours and two of them were-- gasp!-- seven hours!
--I received my copies of Best of Best Women’s Erotica today. I love getting books in the mail, especially books that include my work. And my story “Call Me” is the second story in the collection, right after Rachek Kramer Bussel’s fabulous “Animals.”
--I’m writing again! Joy! Happiness!
--I have a fabulous part-time babysitter for Patrick now! Joy! Happiness! (And also one of the reasons I’m writing again.)
--I’m officially registered for the RWA conference in Nashville in July. The conference is being held at the Gaylord Opryland Resort. Ahh… a resort with a full service spa. I’m hoping to take a break from the conference madness and indulge in a massage while I’m there.
--Fairy Tale Lust isn’t due out until July (perfect timing for RWA and the literacy signing), but I will be announcing a new call for submissions very soon. 
Happy Fat Tuesday!
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Life. Love. Writing. Editing. Sex. Books. Romance. Movies. Friendship. Photography. Teaching. Coffee. (Lots of coffee.) Travel. Feminism. Academia. Insomnia. Memories. Experiences. Rants. Raves. Reviews. Chocolate. Mmm… chocolate. Musings of an insomniac writer. Want to know more?
