It is the first day of school and though I’m not (currently) a student, this time of year still brings out the organizer and planner in me. (It also brings out my secret desire for a Trapper Keeper). I am baffled by the number of blogs, e-mail addresses and social networking thingamabobs I have. How did that happen? Once upon a time, I had an e-mail address where I received maybe one or two e-mails a day (usually from Jay) and that was enough to make me happy. Those were simple days.
Oh, the times they have changed! Now I have two Blogger blogs in addition to this blog. I’m on Facebook and Twitter and Tumblr (and MySpace, though I pretty much abandoned it for Facebook).
I share more than my words on the internet. I share my memories and my dreams, too. I have photos on Flickr and a long neglected wishlist on Amazon (and a pretty, shiny book!).
I have profiles on GoodReads, Shelfari and LinkedIn, but I couldn’t tell you the last time I was on any of them. One of these days, I’ll probably be more active on YouTube and whatever other current fads are.
I read this recently on Shanna Germain’s wonderful blog and nodded in agreement:
So, it’s a toss-up, I think. Where to put your time and energy. Where to put your trust. Where to meet your friends and readers. Sometimes I want to spread out, build a big wide web of resources and marketing and words from this tree to one on the other side of the world, catching everything I can. Other times I want to fold in, make a beautiful perfect little net in the corner and then see what marvelous delights come to me.
There are days when I just want to disconnect, shut it all down, go off the grid. Hibernate. I remember back to 1995 or so, and how I was quite happy without all of these distractions and I wonder if I’d miss it. I think I’d miss some of it. I think.
What about you?
I’m stealing an hour to myself at Starbucks, presumably to catch up on e-mail (which I did) and write (which I haven’t), but really it’s just an hour of time to myself. With the exception of the two baristas who are working, Starbucks is empty and I’m blissfully alone. Of course, I’m not really alone at all since I’m sitting in a public place and I’m tethered to various technologies that make it easy for anyone to reach me. But it feels like I’m alone and for the past almost eight months, feeling like I’m alone is the best I can really do.
I’m a bad mother. A bad wife. A bad friend. A bad writer, too, truth be told. See, I like being alone. Sometimes. I’m not looking to move to the woods and live in a cabin a al the Unibomber, but I enjoy my alone time. Which is why I can look at my adorable baby and his cute father who has been gone all week and say, “I’m going to Starbucks for an hour” without any sense of guilt. Okay, maybe there’s a little guilt. Okay, there’s a lot of guilt. Just like there’s guilt when I tell friends I’m too busy working to make social plans, when what I’m really doing is sitting in my corner of Starbucks, doing… whatever. Presumably writing (or doing the editor thing), but sometimes-- not often, but sometimes-- I’m just sitting here, daydreaming and enjoying the time alone. Sometimes… oh my… I even ignore my texts and e-mails and just revel in my aloneness.
I’ll take the guilt over the smothered-by-people feeling I get when I’ve gone too long without any time alone. I love my life and the people in it, but sometimes… a girl just needs to be alone. I could use some real alone time. A hotel room, room service, maybe a city to explore completely on my own. That’s what I’m doing sometimes when I’m alone at Starbucks-- planning trips or at least hotel overnighters where it’s just me and my thoughts. I’m thinking I might even make it happen one of these days. Oh, the guilt! Oh, the bliss! But for now, it’s an hour to myself in my neighborhood coffee shop, taking a breath and finding my center (along with getting my caffeine fix). This little slice of stolen time makes me a happier person. So maybe even though I feel like a bad mother, wife, friend and writer, perhaps I’m actually better for the time I steal for myself. Perhaps I have more to give when I give to myself first.
And on that note, I’m off to be not alone. Until tomorrow, at least. 
It’s been all books, all the time lately. It’s mid-July and Fairy Tale Lust is out in the world and submissions for Dream Lover are about to close. (Guidelines here!) I guess that means it’s time to start thinking about the next book, hmm?
Fairy Tale Lust seems to be doing well, sliding up and down the top 100 short story collections on Amazon. The highest I’ve seen it is at #6. Very cool. It’s fascinating to see both the print and Kindle versions on the list, the Kindle version usually higher in the rankings. Have e-books finally come into their own? I guess I’ll have to wait for my royalty statement to find out.
Between the book promo, Jay’s crazy work schedule, Patrick’s ever-evolving skill set, an extreme sleep deficit and a cookout or party almost every weekend, the days have been a blur lately and I feel like I have no time for anything. Obsessive list-maker that I am, I haven’t made a list since the beginning of June. That in itself is startling. The fact that I’m keeping up with trying to keep up with things through sheer brain power is terrifying. Being a chronic insomniac has never really impacted my memory until the last few months and I find myself repeating things or getting dates wrong or forgetting things on a quick trip to the grocery store. (Though Jay is far worse than I am about that last one.) I need to get back to list-making. Not only do I forget fewer things and overall accomplish more, I feel like I have a little more control over my day-to-day routine when I’m marking things off on a list. Sometimes.
Things I’ve forgotten or had no energy to do lately:
--Write Patrick’s 7 month letter. He’s now 7 months, 1 week and 2 days. I hope to write that letter by the weekend. Certainly before he turns 8 months old…
--Find a suitable bookshelf and toy box for Patrick’s rather small room. (I think I’m going to go with something like this bookshelf/bin combo from Land of Nod.)
--Schedule a doctor’s appointment and/or massage to get my shoulder looked at/worked on.
--Figure out travel dates for a family vacation to Chicago to see Aunt Sheri.
--Mail in the rebate for my new cell phone. I really must do that soon, if it isn’t too late already. (Checked expiration date on the offer: July 26. Whew.)
--Read. Seriously. I can’t remember the last time I actually read a novel. I’ve read a lot of anthologies (or at least select stories in anthologies), a lot of blogs, a lot of magazine articles. But I haven’t read a book in… months.
--Catch up on the episodes of at least six shows. When I was in the last trimester of pregnancy, I went a little crazy and started recording a bunch of series. Now they’re all sitting there, clogging up the DVR because I have no time/energy to watch. Might have to delete some stuff unwatched.
--Clean out the spare freezer. (Again, I went a little crazy in my last trimester and froze enough food for a village of pregnant women. Said food is now growing icicles and needs to be disposed of stat.)
--Blog about stuff other than Fairy Tale Lust.
--Write. Write. Write. Write.
Complaining aside, life is pretty good right now. Sure, I’m busy. Sure, I’m too tired to think some days. But Jay is home (when he’s not doing field exercises), baby is happy and healthy, my babysitter is awesome and makes my life easier, my friends close and far are rocking my world with love and support, my pretty book is doing well, I’m getting excited to read submissions for my next book and summer 2010 is this beautiful, golden haze of busy days, happy moments and lots of laughter.
What more could I ask for?
How is it possible that Jay has been home from deployment for two weeks already? The time, it flies!! It seems life has gotten busier since he got home, when I expected it to actually slow down a bit. Hmm.
When I’m not checking the advance reviews of Fairy Tale Lust on Amazon, I’m busy doing any of a number of other things. Such as:
--Checking my Dream Lover e-mail account for submissions to Dream Lover: Paranormal Erotic Romance. The deadline is less than two months away! Writers, I need your paranormal erotic romance stories!
--Moderating the Naked Reader Book Club Discussion at Eden Fantasys. Last night was the first book club chat and Alison Tyler’s delicious Afternoon Delight was the book being discussed. Please do join us next Tuesday, June 1, for a new discussion!
--Writing! Slowly, sporadically, but… writing! I’ve had a couple of disappointing rejections lately (boo!) and one very nice sale, pending publisher approval (yay!).
--Co-hosting backyard cookouts. A small one on May 16; a bigger, wetter one on May 23 (and I don’t mean “wetter” in the good sense, stupid rain); and one to come on Memorial Day. Feel free to drop by, have a burger and play a wicked game of no-rules backyard badminton!
--Trying to decide if I really want to go to Orlando in July for the RWA national conference. The change in location has me seriously waffling. I’m thinking the conference money would be better spent on a couple of shorter vacation/book promo trips. And the sad truth is, I don’t have a novel to pitch and that was my main reason for going this year. (Along with the literacy book signing.) Not to mention, many of the people I want to see won’t be in attendance this year. What to do??
--And trying to decide where to go if I don’t go to Orlando. Chicago, to visit Sheri. Portland (Oregon), just because-- and if I can get my friend Shannon to go with me. Where else? I’d like to get in a little family vacation, too. I’m looking forward to traveling with Patrick. I think.
--Adjusting to sharing parenting duties with Jay. This is, for the most part, a very good thing. But it is certainly an adjustment for all three of us!
What have you been up to?
What’s it all about?
Life. Love. Writing. Editing. Sex. Books. Romance. Movies. Friendship. Photography. Teaching. Coffee. (Lots of coffee.) Travel. Feminism. Academia. Insomnia. Memories. Experiences. Rants. Raves. Reviews. Chocolate. Mmm… chocolate. Musings of an insomniac writer. Want to know more?
