I made my word count early tonight, but I’m still up at 1:30.  Old habits die hard. 

Good news is, I broke 10,000 words-- or 20%-- in four days!  Bad news is, it’s all uphill from here.  I know it’s crazy to try to write a book in a month.  I know it smacks of a being a hack and that, having not only written several manuscripts, but actually having sold one book and dozens of other pieces of fiction and nonfiction-- I really shouldn’t need this kind of writing exercise to motivate me to write a novel.  Having admitted all of that, the truth is this is a good push-- the push I need-- to get back into writing daily.  I fall away from it so easily, yet when I do it and stay focused on it, I can turn out a respectable daily page count (or word count).  The question of my life is, why can’t I do this every day, without some gimmick to motivate me?  If anyone has the answer, I’ll give you a cookie.

I have written about my love/hate relationship with the writing process before.  I love having written, I hate the writing.  Maybe hate is too strong a word.  Mostly I don’t like the feeling of helplessness and stupidity when I’m trying to find the words I need and they won’t come.  This feeling of incompetency happens so often it makes me question whether I’m really a writer at all.  Yet, I have the writing credits to prove that I am a writer.  Not a famous one, not a wealthy one, not even an extremely well-published one, but I have written--and sold-- enough to prove this isn’t just a fluke.  I can write-- and I can write a variety of things.  I just wish I believed in myself every day that I write something rather than only on the days when I sell something.

Posted by Kristina in Writing at 12:29 AM Permalink