There is no real reason for it, because I still have dozens of things to do and I haven’t accomplished a single one of them yet today, but I’m feeling a very cozy and welcome feeling of contentment right now.  Sigh… if only it would last. 

Why is it so difficult to turn down all the noise in my brain and focus on what’s important, what matters to me?  I let myself get so distracted by the details of life, I sometimes forget that I don’t have to get caught up in all the craziness and minutiae-- especially during this season.  I can choose not to be drawn into the drama.  I need to remind myself of that.  Often.

I am, and have always been, too empathetic for my own good.  No matter what my mood or state of mind, I can easily be affected by someone else’s emotions.  It doesn’t even have to be someone close to me, although that definitely magnifies it.  The irony is, I’m often left feeling sad or angry or hurt long after the person who has tapped into my empathy has moved on.  It’s bad enough to let myself wallow in my own unhappiness for too long, I really don’t need to hold on to someone else’s negative energy.

I don’t think being empathetic makes me any better a person than someone who goes blithely through life unscathed by the emotions of other people.  In fact, it makes me emotionally unpredictable (and unstable?) sometimes.  Which is probably why I enjoy times like now-- this solitary contentment-- so much.

It’s only a matter of time before something comes along and fucks it up.

Posted by Kristina in Life at 12:52 PM Permalink