Filed under: Life

Doing It

Saturday, September 10th, 2005 • 1 Comment on Doing It

I really haven’t had much to say lately, have I?  I was anxiously anticipating September and now a third of the month has slipped by and my enthusiasm has waned.  Ah… women are fickle creatures and I’m no different.

I find myself feeling out of sorts lately as I try to negotiate my life.  My schedule is more flexible than it’s ever been and my time, with the exception of my classes, is almost entirely my own.  Imagine!  It must be wonderful, right?  It must be like Christmas and my birthday and a date with Brad Pitt all rolled into one, right? 

Guess again.

People ask me how I’m enjoying all this free time and I stare at them in bewilderment, smiling vacantly as I clench my hands and restrain myself from punching them.  Yes, I have free time.  Oodles and oodles of it.  The thing is, I also have a few (more than a few) major goals for myself which means I need to hammer all that free time into something that very much resembles a real work schedule.  Except, because it’s self-imposed, because there isn’t a boss telling me where to be and how long to be there, because there isn’t a paycheck on Friday afternoon or vacation time or co-workers, it’s not a real job—it’s just me with a whole bunch of free time doing whatever I want to do.

I suspect people hate me for this.

I am having a difficult time figuring out how do this thing called writing full-time.  Actually, that’s not entirely true.  I know how to do it.  I just do it.  However, I don’t know how to convince myself that this is my job now, that it’s important and meaningful and rewarding.  I suspect everyone else will believe me when I believe it myself.  For now, I feel as if I’m a little girl playing house, only I’m a big girl playing writer.

I know I will adjust to this new change in my life and the bouts of panic and self-doubt will fade enough so that I can sleep at night and not snarl at everyone around me.  The easiest thing in the world is to say, “I’m going to do this, this big, meaningful, silly, life-fulfilling, possibly futile, often lonely, definitely rewarding thing I want to do.”  The hardest thing in the world is to actually do this big, meaningful, silly, life-fulfilling, possibly futile, often lonely, definitely rewarding thing I want to do. 

I’m going to try.

Posted by Kristina in Life
 

Confession

Thursday, September 1st, 2005 • 1 Comment on Confession

I have avoided watching the news for the past several days.  I can’t do it.  I simply can’t.  The destruction, the devastation, the helplessness is too much to bear witness to.  I skim the articles in the paper out of habit, but I won’t look at the pictures and I won’t read the numbers.  The numbers of homeless, the numbers of dead, the numbers—in dollars and days—it will take to make it all better.  I avoid the pictures and the numbers, but the words aren’t much better.  The words take shape in mental pictures that make me ache.

I am a fix it girl.  Tell me what’s wrong, tell me what needs to be done and I’ll do it.  It’s impossible to fix this kind of disaster.  I can write a check or two (and I will), but to whom?  Which group wil use it best?  Which charity needs it most?  There is so much need.  So much.  And I can’t fix any of it.

Today I e-mailed a friend who is living the words I can’t read and the pictures I can’t look at.  She got out, she’s safe, she’ll be all right.  I can send her a few things to cheer her up, give her a moment’s rest from worrying about her house, her belongings and where she will live until (or if) she can go back.  There are so many others like her, so many who are much worse off who need more than a book or a DVD or a cheerful “hang in there” card.  But I know her and I can do this small thing to let her know she’s not forgotten. 

It’s not much, but it’s something.

Posted by Kristina in Life
 

Observations On Helping Friends Move, Or: My Journey to Hell and Back

Saturday, August 27th, 2005 • 3 Comments on Observations On Helping Friends Move, Or: My Journey to Hell and Back

—Third floor apartments were designed by tyrants to torture the common man.

—I know more about the chafing of testicles than I ever care to know.  Oh, the things I have seen…

—Dead chicken smell isn’t so bad.  Okay, it is.  Oh, the things I have smelled…

—A cute girl thinks she can get a guy to change her flat tire even when he’s in the middle of moving very heavy furniture.  The cute girl was right.

—Broken toes are painful and hurt more going down stairs than up stairs.  Watching someone duck walk all day is rather amusing, however.

—Team work is a beautiful, sweaty, smelly thing.

—Group head butts hurt.

—So does “pass-it-down” head butting.

—Muscle relaxers are one of God’s little miracles.

—Even the cleanest of clean freaks have dust.  Thank God I can put that inferiority complex aside.

—”Don’t Cha” is not a good soundtrack to moving, but it does get stuck in your head.  The lyrics are easily changed to fit any given situation, however.

—Telling a man “Be careful and don’t hurt yourself.” will result in him a) immediately lifting something he shouldn’t, b) giving you a list of all his existing injuries or, c) thinking you’re insulting him for being weak.

—Men are strong, but sometimes stupid.

—I’m too old for this moving crap.

Posted by Kristina in Life
 

I'm a writer, editor, blogger, mama, wife and coffee lover.

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